In the Aftermath
by MaryRose
Summary: After the events of It Makes a Lovely Light Beka is recovering in medical and she's really depressed. Can anyone make her feel better? Please R & R
1. Beka's Thoughts

Disclaimer:  These characters do not belong to me.  They belong to Tribune entertainment.  I'm not making any money off of this, just having fun.

AN:  This was originally published on slipstream web.  The slipstreamers liked it.  I hope you will too.

Why did he say that he would stand by me? I know he means it because Dylan always says what he means, but why? After all, I did almost kill him and everyone else on board. How can he possibly still care about me after that? 

Maybe it's because he's from a different time. A better one when people still cared and there was good in the universe. Did I really just think that? 

I never believed it, not really. I would have said the universe was always as cold and unforgiving as it is now and the Commonwealth was only a myth. Then I took that salvage job and met Dylan. It was all real and I got   
a chance to be a part of it. Well, until now, that is. 

Dylan still believes in me, though, I don't know why. It's his crazy idealism, I guess.  
Oh well, it does work. After all, he turned all of us into a crew. Well, Rev, Harper and Trance were mine before. They were still pretty eager to sign on. 

Then there's dear old Tyr. If he can believe in Tyr, then why not me, right? I don't know, it's all pretty crazy to me. 

I never really had this experience with men. God knows Dad and Rafe are just about as far as you can get from Dylan. Of course, all those other guys weren't much of an improvement. 

So, is it all their fault? Is it Uncle Sids?  
After all, he did give me my first hit of flash. 

No, I made this decision on my own. Trance tried to stop me; she couldn't. Harper tried; he couldn't. What it comes right down to, nobody but me could have stopped me. And I didn't. So now, I have to live with the consequences. Can I? That's what scares the hell out of me. 


	2. More of Beka's Thoughts

I know what you're thinking. Is that all this is going to be? No, but please bear with me. Her state of mind is a cruical plot point and I want to explore it. Besides, it's making the story longer for your enjoyment. I don't think it's quite as short as I first thought. O.K. Here we go. 

Dylan spends as much time here with me as he can. He is the captain, though, and with me out of action he's busier now. The fact that he comes at all is unbelivable. 

Rev comes. I could barely look him in the eye. He forgave me, though. he really is a Wayist through and through. 

Trance is always here. She is very sweet to me and we just talk. About everything and nothing. Whatever I want to talk about we talk about. Trance really listens. 

Even Rommie comes. Tyr doesn't but, I really didn't expect him. 

The only one who doesn't is Harper. I can't really blame him, after the things I said to him. I was so cruel and I'll never forget the look on his face as I said those things to him. I wish I could say I'm sorry.


	3. Depression

  
Trance came into Medical, her usual, cheery self. "How are you today, Beka?" 

"Oh, I'm hanging in." 

"I'm glad to hear it." 

"Yeah, well, so am I." 

There was something in her voice and Trance picked up on it. "Something's wrong. Something else is bothering you. What is it?" 

"Nothing. Nothing at all." 

Trance gave her a look. "You can't lie to me. I know what it is. It's Harper." 

Beka looked surprised. "How do you know?" 

"He's the only one who hasn't come to see you. Well, besides Tyr. I don't think that would bother you, as much." 

"I understand why he wouldn't come to see me. It's part of what happened and what I did."  
She continued staring at the ceiling. 

Trance bustled around. "Andromeda." 

Her hologram appeared. "Yes, Trance." 

"Where is Harper right now?" 

"Down in Engineering." 

"Can you send Rommie here? I have to go and see him. It's important." 

"Very well. I shall." Her hologram disapeared and soon her avatar was there. 

Trance walked down the corridors to where Harper was. She found him engrossed in some project. "Hey, Harper." 

Harper turned to her. "Hey,sparkly purple babe. Have you come to be dazzled by my genuis? What am I saying? Of course, you have. You've come to the right place. Sit right down and be dazzled." 

Trance couldn't help laughing. That Harper. He was so great.He really was good to have around and he was important. Which brought her to the purpose of being here. 

"Actually, there is a reason I came here. It was to see you but, it's got nothing to do with your genius." 

Harper pouted. "Awww, babe, you disapoint me." 

She smiled. "Sorry, Harper." 

He brightened. "Anyway, at least you know I'm a genius." 

"Yes, Harper; we all know that." 

"So, what did you want to see me about?" 

"It's about Beka." 

His brightness faded. He began fidgetting.  
"Um, she's O.K. now, isn't she? Course she is. Listen, Trance, I'm kind of busy now, so if you'll, excuse me..." 

"Harper, she wants to see you. More than that, she needs to see you. And you need to see her too." 

"Who me? No, I don't. Not necessary. Nope, not at all." 

"Yes, it is. Harper, things between you are very much unresolved. You are both suffering for it. She can't go to you, so, you have to go to her. Now. So go." 

"I-I can't, Trance. I'm too scared. And I don't feel good about the whole thing." 

Trances face softened. "Of course, you don't. Neither does she. I know she's scared too. She needs you and you need to go to her. Please, Harper, it's important to both of you." 

"Oh, all right. I'll go." How could you not give in to Trance and her feelings? She was usually right. And there was always the fact that she wouldn't leave you alone untill you did what she said. Sometimes. This was going to be one of those times. 

I fixed the spelling and capitalization errors.


	4. Confrontation

Beka was just staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think anymore because it hurt too much. Then she saw Harper enter. She was shocked. "Y-you're here?" 

"Unh, yeah. Umm, listen, I hope you're all right." 

"Yes, I'm doing O.K." 

"Good, good. Well, I just wanted to see how you are. I'll go now." 

"Don't." 

He stopped. 

Rommie started out of the room. "I'll give you two some privacy. Engage privacy mode." 

Harper came up to her bedside and sat down. "I'm really glad you're O.K. I was really scared." 

Beka sighed. "I'm so sorry about everything. I said some horrible things that I shouldn't have said and I didn't mean them." 

"Forget it." 

"No, I can't. I almost killed you and everybody else and if you can't forgive me, I understand. I can't blame you for hating me." 

Harper was stunned. "Hate you, Beka? I don't hate you. I never hated you." 

Now it was Bekas turn to be stunned. "You don't? Why not?" 

"Because I could never hate you. You saved my life. You rescued me from that hell-hole called my life and gave me my first real home since I lost my family. You're very important to me, Rebekah." 

Beka turned away from him so he wouldn't see the tears starting to form. "Oh, stop it, Seamus. I'm not that important and it wasn't that big a deal." 

"Yes, it was." He jumped up. "Damn it Beka, don't you get it? You can't say things like that because you don't know. I know because I lived it. Look at me." 

And she found herself obeying. Now he'd see her crying for sure. 

He went on. "I should have told Dylan right away after I found out. Then it wouldn't have gotten as far as it did. You wouldn't have overdosed. I didn't. I wish I had." 

Harper stood there and he was crying. over her? Amazing. 

"Please stop crying. It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I did it all. You did tell me and it still didn't stop me. So, there was nothing you could have done." 

"I could have disabled the overrides. After all, I did install them." 

"Don't go there. You were working for me and that's it. I just had to do what I had to do. I'm really glad you don't hate me." 

She hadn't been able to stop her tears. Neither had Harper. They just let them fall.  
Finally, Harper sat down again. "I was really scared you were going to die. I prayed to the Divine that we'd get you to Medical in time and you know I don't pray." 

"I know. You prayed for me? I can't believe it. After all I did. I can't even remember the time in the slipstream core all that clearly." 

"It was bad, Beka, really bad. And I just don't want to lose anymore people that I love, you hear me. So, stay away from the Flash." He got up to leave. 

Had she heard right? "What did you just say?" 

"Nothing. I gotta get back to Engineering. Important projects." 

"I love you too, Seamus." 

That stopped him in his tracks. He turned back and gave her a hug. They hugged for a few minutes untill Harper broke it off. 

"You gotta rest now. I'll send Rommie back to stay with you untill Trance gets back, O.K" 

"O.K." 


	5. Back Again

Beka was back on active duty.She was determined to prove herself a realiable member of the crew again. It wasn't easy because she still wanted flash. That wasn't going to go away. 

The fact that people actually loved her did a make a lot of difference. She began to feel that maybe, just maybe she was worth something after all. She encountered Trance in the hall. "Trance." 

"Yes, Beka." 

"Thank you for sending Harper to me." 

"Did that go well?" 

"You know it did. So, don't pretend you don't. Anyway, it was important to me so, thank you." 

"You're quite welcome." And Trance smiled her mysterious smile as she continued down the hall. 

Beka headed down to Engineering. "Harper." 

He popped out from behind a panel. "Yeah, boss. It's good to see you up and around again." 

"Thanks. I just wanted to come and make sure that everything is all right between us." 

"It is." 

"O.K. Great. Well, that's it. I've got to get back to Command. I will see you." 

"Yes, you will." He looked at her retreating back and thought that it was good to have Beka back again. Now things were really all right. 


	6. A Talk With Dylan

Beka entered Command. Dylan was already there. "Hello Beka" he greeted her. 

"Hey Dylan" she replied. 

"I'm glad you're back." 

"Thanks." The amazing thing was that he really meant that. What was it about him? She'd probably never understand him completely but, she did like and respect him, nonetheless. She had to shake her head. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." 

"Oh, nothing. Only that you're trying to figure me out." He grinned at her. 

"How did you guess that?" 

"Because of the look I got after I said I was glad you're back. It wasn't such a stretch.  
Besides, I'm not as naive as I appear. Scratch that. Let's use the word dumb." He loved the way she was just staring at him. Then he turned serious. "Anyway, how are you? Feeling O.K." 

She nodded. "It's good to be back." 

"You looked thoughtful when you came in here. Want to talk about it?" 

She began pacing. "I don't know. I can't understand it. Why didn't you just throw me off the ship after the-well you know. Between you and Harper, I just don't get it." 

"Wait a minute. What's Harper got to do with this?" 

"Nothing. Forget it." 

"All right, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Let me ask you a question.  
Do you want me to throw you off the ship?" 

"WWWhat!" 

"I'm just trying to get this clarified. I'm not a person who abandons people I care about. And it seems to me that if I throw you off the ship it will just confirm for you that you should be thrown off. And I don't belive you should be. Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear." 

Beka sighed. "No, I don't want to be thrown off. I just can't get used to certain things, I guess." 

"Is that where Harper comes in?" 

She gave him a sharp look. "What about Harper? Did Trance say something to you?" 

"No. You just mentioned him when you mentioned me. I'd just like to know if things are O.K because a captain is supposed to take care of his crew, you know." 

"O.K. Fine. I'll tell you. Harper came to see me while I was in Medical." She paused. 

"And so." Dylan prodded gently. "Didn't everyone?" 

"No, actually. He didn't come to see me for the first few days I was in there. It was really bothering me because I felt guilty for the way I treated him. I was sure he hated me and who could blame him?" She paused again. 

Dylan sensed that this was hard for her to talk about. "Listen, Beka, forget it if this is too hard-." 

"No, I might as well tell you. Besides, you really want me to talk because it's good for me, right." 

He gave a small smile. She was right about that. "Go on." 

"So, Trance figures out that this is bothering me and she sends Harper to see me. And I find out that he doesn't hate me at all. He actually cares about me. I just can't understand it." 

"I can. You have good qualities about you, Beka. You just keep them hidden. I can't order you to belive that you're worth something, although, I would if I could. All I can do is ask you to consider that maybe harper and I are right and you're wrong. That's all I'm going to say." He turned towards his work, leaving her to ponder.


	7. Final Thoughts

So, Harper loves me. And I guess Rev and Trance do too. Even Dylan cares about me. I can't get over it. I don't don't know why. Then again, there are a lot of things I don't know. 

Then there are things I know. One of those things is that having people love you isn't something you throw away. O.K. Rev's a Magog and trance is-well I don't know what the hell Trance is. Still, the point is the same. 

I do still want Flash. Oh God, how I want it! But, I'll think of all of them and how much they care. If they belive that I'm worthwhile, well then, I just have to try to belive it too. And that means I'm not alone.  
So, I just can't let them down again. I won't. I will make a promise. And I'm a Valentine that keeps her promises. 

  
The End 

I hope you all enjoyed that. 


End file.
